Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
