just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
