Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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