You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
