Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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