It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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