Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
