was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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