Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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