Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you inspire me to be a worse person
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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