you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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