If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
