My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
