please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
