Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
