don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
