so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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