Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize