sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
