Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
