So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
