You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
