dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
