Soap is not a condiment
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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