trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have tasted many bathrooms
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
