so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
