i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
