You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
