I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
