There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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