Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
