too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
