Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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