Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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