Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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