I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i need some magic done to my vagina
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
