im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
