I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
