i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
