i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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