my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
