You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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