I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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