I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You made out with two different species that night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
