You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
