I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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