Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
