ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize