He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
