look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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