so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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