I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
