Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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