false alarm. still invincible.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
