Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize