White coat. Heels.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
