oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
