Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
