it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
