I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize