Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
