Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
