Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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