how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize