Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
