He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
