in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
