When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
