So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
