I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
