If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
