suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you will always have a special place in my vag
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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