Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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